‘Dear Anna…’ Anna De Acosta Answers Your Stepmom Questions!

Dear Anna...

By: Anna de Acosta

Relationship with Biomom Goes From Good to Sour

Dear Anna,

I used to get along fine with biomom, and things were easy. We would text, send pictures of the kids back and forth, and make decisions together about many things together.

Now she’s become distant and non-communicative all of a sudden, and it’s so hard for me. I don’t know what happened, but I just want what’s best for everyone. She’s making it hard for that to happen. She doesn’t even seem open to talking about how we can go back to the way things were.  How can we get on good terms again? 

- Good-terms Stepmom

 Dear Good-terms,

It’s noble and good of you to want what’s best for everyone, but have you contemplated that “good terms” may not mean “your terms”? We don’t always want the same things as others, and that’s okay.

You want a close relationship, but it sounds like biomom may want her space and privacy – and she has the right to that. Biomom may not want to share her whole family with another woman all the time, and that’s okay, she’s entitled to her space.

Navigating blended family life is not a straight path. Although things seem to work a certain way for a given time, a fork in the road can come up and things can change. What worked before may not work forever, and likely won’t work forever.

Change can be painful to navigate, especially when it means losing time and closeness with someone you care about. Take time to process the grief that comes with that loss, but recognize that the pain is normal and temporary. This too shall pass. Trust that you will work into a new relationship with respectful boundaries that you can both live comfortably with.