Forgotten on Mother’s Day? Chin Up! We Have our own Stepmother’s Day
By Claudette Chenevert–The Stepmom Coach
I often hear stepmoms share how ignored they felt on Mother’s Day and how painful it was for them to be excluded by their stepchildren (or their spouse) on such an occasion. Stepmoms struggle between understanding that stepchildren want to be with their mom and their own personal desire to be recognized as well. On the other hand, not all stepmoms care for all the fuss of Mother’s Day, or being a mom, since their stepkids already have one.
As a stepmom of adult stepkids, I mostly do my own thing now. This is mainly because our children celebrate Mother’s Day with their own kids. I’m not the type who competes for attention. I’m content with a simple phone call, a Facebook post or a text. We can get together on another day, when things are quieter.
Still, for some stepmoms, they want that recognition and appreciation for what they do at home and from children that may not always be grateful in return.
Stepmoms, we have our own day!
Many stepmoms (or the world for that matter) are still not aware that we have our very own day! YES!
According to www.Checkiday.com, Stepmother’s Day was created in 2000 when a young Pennsylvania girl named Lizzie Capuzzi, wrote to Senator Rick Santorum and asked him to declare the Sunday after Mother’s Day as Stepmother’s Day in honor of all the stepmothers.
What a lucky woman Joyce is to have a stepdaughter who wanted to honor her for all that she contributed to the family. Lizzie wanted to give Joyce her very own day that wouldn’t compete with Mother’s Day.
Remember, all children want is for their parents to be happy. No drama.
I love the notion of having our very own day. One where we stepmoms can appreciate and recognize each other for our unique contributions to the family. This is not about competition. It is about honoring ourselves for what we do.
There are plenty of moms out there who are also stepmoms, but not all stepmoms are moms. This means these childless stepmoms may not have anyone thanking them for being a part of the family. And well, not all mothers get the recognition either. If their relationship with their children is filled with conflict, chances are, their kids won’t be around to honor them either.
How do you celebrate Stepmother’s Day?
Since Stepmother’s Day isn’t as commercialized as Mother’s Day (over $23 billion spent in 2018, according to USA Today) many stepmoms are not aware that we have our own special day. This might be a great advantage. You get to create new traditions that only stepmoms can enjoy.
Here are some ideas of what you can do for Stepmother’s Day:
- Inform your stepkids that there is a special day just for stepmoms and ask them if they’d be interested in doing something with you. Keep it simple.
- Take pictures and create a collage of moments spent together. Write notes on the back of the photos so that you can remember for years to come.
- Help your stepkids create a keepsake for you. Try using your smartphones, and have each person share one memory of you. Then create a montage using various apps available online.
- Invite your stepmom friends for a spa day or a stepmoms-only outing. Give yourself the pleasure of doing something just for you!
I’d love to hear some examples of ways you celebrate Stepmother’s Day. Comment below so that others can be inspired by your ideas.
The way to build strong and lasting relationships is by creating shared experiences where you slowly bond with one another. Remembering those experiences by taking the time to honor them helps you accumulate a reservoir of positive experiences for if and when conflict arises in your relationship with your stepchildren.
Lastly, although receiving validation and recognition from others feels great, give yourself a pat on the back and some credit for taking on a role that is one of the most misunderstood and underappreciated in any parenting role.
Wishing you a happy Stepmother’s Day.
About Claudette Chenevert
Claudette Chenevert, known as The Stepmom Coach works with stepmoms who are struggling to create a cohesive family life. A Master Certified Stepfamily Foundation Coach, Claudette helps stepmoms to build and create strong and healthy stepfamilies by helping stepmoms focus on what they want as a woman, a partner and a parent.
Claudette has over 29 years’ experience as a stepmom and 35 years as a mother. She understands what it’s like to be in your shoes and teaches the best strategies to make life as a stepmom more harmonious.
Claudette offers online support groups, self-study stepmom programs, and one-on-one coaching. She is also a contributing writer for Stepmom Magazine.
Her book The Stepmom's Book of Boundaries: How and Where to Draw the Line --for a Happier, Healthier Stepfamily is available on Amazon
For more information on programs and services, go to https://www.stepmomcoach.com