Ever Wonder How Your Stepkids Feel About Valentine’s Day?
Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that can be tricky to navigate for a lot of people. As children, we grow up loving Valentine’s Day. A day where your parents buy you chocolates and cinnamon hearts? Yes, please! Then you attend school where every student in the class gives each other a cute little card and even more candy! I grew up loving it!
...when you get a bit older, things change.
For lots of people, Valentine’s Day might feel like a reminder of how single you are. Or a reminder of a past love that is now lost. It might also be a great day where you and your partner and you spoil each other. Some people despise the day and think it's a commercial gimmick!
This year, let’s take Valentine's back to when you were younger. Back when Valentine’s Day seemed like nothing other than a fun day! Pause- let's now add to the mix blended families. One question you may be asking yourself is what to do with your stepkids on Valentine’s Day. Now the answer may seem simple (and it totally can be) but let’s talk about some issues that might come up from the point of view of a stepkid.
Should You Include Your Stepkids on Valentine's Day?
Including your stepkids in your Valentine's Day plans truly depends on what age your stepkids are and if you have children of your own. It will also depend on how long you have been a stepparent.
Personally, for me, Valentine’s Day never seemed like a family affair. It was not as if me, my mom, my brother, and my stepdad were all getting together and sitting around the table for dinner celebrating. For me, it was actually more about the relationship between my mother and me.
From as far back as I can remember my mom made Valentine’s Day extremely special for us. She would buy me small cute gifts and take the time to really show me that I was loved unconditionally. Valentine's Day was more about our relationship than anything to do with the family.
I also had a stepsister and my mom included her as well!
She was around six years old and lived half the time with her biological mom. If Valentine’s fell on a day where she was at our house then, of course, my mom would get her a card or a gift, the same way she did for me. I don’t think my step sister felt like my mom was overstepping anything, I think she was just happy to be included. It would be weird if my mom didn’t get her a card. She definitely would feel left out.
Do You Have Older Stepkids?
As I got older (and had a different stepdad), Valentine’s Day stayed the same. My mom would still always get me a card no matter how old or how cool I thought I was. But I don’t really remember my stepdad being involved. I believe this had to do with the male/female dynamic.
I was so used to having Valentine’s come from my mother that I did not expect or want that from a male/fatherly perspective. My biological father never really did anything for me for Valentine’s Day and that never upset me as it was always something between me and my mother.
That being said, if I had a stepmom instead of a stepdad I feel like I would be hurt if she did not include me in the Valentine’s Day plans or activities. I would not feel like she was overstepping my mother or anything like that, but if she did nothing for me and did something for her bio kids then I would really feel upset.
The best thing a stepmom can do is treat her stepkids the same way she treats her own biokids.
Valentine’s Day should not be taken too seriously and, in my opinion, your stepkids won’t mind at all if you include them. Depending on their age they may pretend they are too cool but trust me if they weren’t included they would be way more upset. So keep it simple and just include your stepkids into the same activities as your own kids and everything will be great!
Remember this day is not just about chocolate and candy but a way to show the people around you that they are loved and cared for. So what better way to create a stronger relationship with your stepkids than to show them that same love?
XO, Social Stepmom